


Stay still my heart

by Dreamying, NoHappyEnding



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff if you exclude the ending, Japan, M/M, NHE2017, Tanabata, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 00:02:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13845822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamying/pseuds/Dreamying, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding
Summary: Fighting Kyungsoo's love is a war, a war within, and Jongin kept loosing from day one.





	Stay still my heart

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** Self-prompt  
>  **Pairing/Main character:** D.O./Kai  
>  **Word count:** 16,300  
>  **Rating:** M  
>  **Warning(s):** None
> 
>  **Author's note:** A big thank you to the mods for accepting me at the very end, and my friend who held my hand through this mess and beta-d.

 

Kyungsoo tentatively lifted his hand; fingers curled loosely into a fist, and gave a few knocks on the wooden door. He stands in the hallway, shuffling on feet like he is doing some tap dance. After a few minutes of nothing, the door creaked open.

 

"Again?" Jongin says as he presses his lips together into a thin line, the grey cardigan loosely hangs on his shoulders over a black t-shirt and grey sweats, he looks disheveled.

 

Kyungsoo gives him a measured smile, eyes down casted and shoulders hunched low as the tiredness seeps through his bones. With a sigh, Jongin side steps to let him in.

Kicking off his Italian dress shoes to a corner carelessly, Kyungsoo makes a beeline to the couch and dropped himself into it. The door clicks in place behind with a clack.

 

It's a small place, a lot smaller than Kyungsoo's, maybe it would fit his living room. But it's cozy and warm unlike his big, spacious and cold place.

 

A small sized, one room apartment but with a functional whole kitchen fixed in its walls. Few cabinets along with the sink, a small oven and a cook top, with a mini sized fridge tucked in and the kitchen counter to sit and eat. The area for living space filled with a single couch and stairs at one corner, leading up to the loft bed upstairs right above the kitchen space. Some work space right in front of the bed downstairs and a tiny bathroom tucked under the staircase. Just enough for Jongin to eat, work and sleep without bothering too much about cleaning or taking care of the place.

 

"How is it going?" Opening the fridge, Kyungsoo takes out a water bottle and chugged down half of it.

 

"Am stuck." Jongin's voice comes from somewhere in the back followed by a grunt, from the work place he assumes.

 

Kyungsoo walks to Jongin's work station circling around the table to the moping figure. Jongin is sitting on a stool with papers spread around all over the top, with his upper body sprawled on the table, eyes closed. A steady wave of air leaving his nose forcing the nearby paper to tremble and move along, the drawing pad on the side is plugged out; lifeless.

 

Running his hand in the messy hair, Kyungsoo tucks a few stray strands of hair behind the other's ear.

 

Jongin opens his eyes slow and catches Kyungsoo's with his. Making happy little noises as the nimble fingers scratch the scalp, he gives a smile, which Kyungsoo returns with one of those pleasant ones, unlike the ones he gives to the people at work, strictly business.

 

"Eating ramen again?" Clicking his tongue, Kyungsoo gives him a disapproving look tugging his ear playfully, eyeing the already half-eaten cold instant ramen cup with chopsticks still in it.

 

Jongin is really a careless mess to let the cup sit along with the papers he had worked so hard on. Given his clumsiness, the cup can get knocked over anytime and paint the papers a shade of the curry powder mix, which the publishing company would not approve for mass printing for sure.

 

Jongin pouts, his lower lip jutting out dramatically, in hopes to get off the hook. Kyungsoo can nag quite a lot at times, when it comes to food, health, self care and all that jazz which Jongin doesn't bat his eyelid at. Ruffling Jongin's hair back into a bird nest, Kyungsoo takes the cup with him and dumps it in the sink, grimacing at the bloated strands of starch. The artist whines like a spoilt puppy at the loss of petting, Kyungsoo bites back a smile.

 

Jongin's eyes lit up when Kyungsoo bent down to check the fridge for anything possibly or remotely edible ingredients. "You need to stop eating all these unhealthy food, " Kyungsoo says, lifting a can of something to eye level with just two fingers. Jongin doesn't remember opening and leaving it inside. It must have gone bad by now by the looks of it or by the look Kyungsoo is wearing on his face.

 

Kyungsoo scratches his nose, scrunching at the unpleasant smell and dropping it in trash can immediately. A few more faces the same fate.

 

Jongin thinks he looked cute. Not that he will say it out loud for the sake of himself.

 

After 20 minutes of raiding every cabinet and every corner of the fridge, Kyungsoo was able to scrape together a decent dinner of rice, eggs and stew of-whatever-ingredients-we-have. He set the table for two first, then beckoning Jongin to join him.

 

Jongin almost burns his tongue in attempt to taste the stew, and Kyungsoo scolds him.

 

"You should have told me it's hot!" Jongin glares, mouth open and tongue out like a dog on hot summer day.

 

"Well, I just took it off from the stove in front of your eyes." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes as he hands him the glass of water, and tissues to clean the mess he made. Jongin chugs down half of it in one go, a few drops escaping the corners of his lips and making their way down his neck... exposed chest ... till gets stopped and devoured by the t-shirt. Kyungsoo gulps. The stupid t-shirt has a really low neckline, showing a lot of skin and at the same time, not enough.

 

"Horror again?" Kyungsoo asks, while poking around the yolk with chopsticks to separate it from white part, at least it's distracting enough than the glistening warm looking skin. Once it falls apart, he transfers the yellow part of his egg onto Jongin's rice bowl. Jongin beams happily stuffing it in his mouth. He hums around it, staring at Kyungsoo's hands holding the chopsticks and poking around the white cutting it into smaller pieces.

 

"I am including romance in it this time," Jongin says, after a thoughtful second thinking back to what he is working on.

 

Kyungsoo snorts, with the stew almost coming out of his nose, somewhere between suffering and laughing.

 

"What's so funny?" Jongin asks while handing a tissue, concerned about the well-being of Kyungsoo, who took it gratefully and wiping down his nose and the droplets of food that fell around the table.

 

"Nothing." Kyungsoo couldn't stop laughing, tears pricking his eyes and holding his tummy, breathing through mouth.

 

Pouting, Jongin tries to kick the other male's leg under the table but ends up kicking the table's hard wooden leg. It is making him wince in pain, and causing Kyungsoo to double over, laughing more.

 

Jongin stares, amused then asks "Is there something on my face?" Kyungsoo peers at him from where he is, practically lying over the table, lips still stretched into a small grin.

Jongin shakes his head, then stuffs the egg yolk and rice, with a spoonful of stew. "Mmm it's nice," he says around another mouthful.

 

_It's nice to have Kyungsoo laugh till his stomach hurt. It's nice to have Kyungsoo cook for him. It's nice to have Kyungsoo with him of all. All his, even if it's for few hours._

 

"How was work today?" Jongin asks for the lack of Kyungsoo's honey voice to fill his ears after a long day of silence, sans the round tip of pencil making love to the paper as he constructs a whole new world again after crumbling pages and pages of unfit ones. Every drawing he did feels like it has already been done a thousand times, he needs the rough drawings first to put the rough draft together.

 

Jongin barely catches words involving some client and new projects, and the shareholders being pain in ass. It's hard to register something in his mind when all he can focus is how much he loves to hear the voice. Kyungsoo has such a nice melodious voice, its deep and smooth like expensive chocolate melted and poured into a glass. And even if he does, what does he know about the chaebol’s business word and what goes in those huge ass glass buildings. Nothing.

 

"You shouldn't have given up on singing," Jongin mentions out of nowhere, without thinking.

 

Kyungsoo stops mid sentence, with spoon still in mid air and filled with mint chocolate chip ice cream - Kyungsoo's favorite - which he stock up on, no matter which season. A little ice cream after their simple meals, a small joy.

 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," Jongin jumps quickly to correct his mindless mistake as he realizes.

 

"I- it- its okay," Kyungsoo says resuming to eat not saying a single word after. And Jongin regrets bringing up the topic, the twinkle in Kyungsoo’s eyes for the night is gone, just like that.

 

***

 

The small air conditioner hums in the otherwise silent room.

 

Kyungsoo sprawled in his bed, as Jongin works for the rest of the evening.

 

"Won't you sleep?" Kyungsoo asks from upstairs, lying on the bed legs perched on the nearby wall and phone in hand. "It's so late.." he reminds.

 

Jongin's eyes shoots a glance over the clock hanging on the wall, from where he sat with a pencil tucked behind his ear and glasses perched on nose, hair all messy with locks flying in different directions as a result of messing them and tugging them a few times.

 

"It's 2am," Kyungsoo mumbles again watching Jongin make a face at the clock showing 11. It's probably out of batteries as the seconds stick dragging itself slowly in the never ending cycle of time.

 

"I have a deadline," Jongin insists, trying to come up with another idea.

 

"You need to be alive first to beat the deadline," Kyungsoo retorts, pulling his legs down and making his body sit in the middle of bed and looking over to where Jongin is wrestling with the pencils and papers.

 

It’s a stare down, and with Kyungsoo’s i-don’t-need-to-blink-for-a-minute eyes, Jongin had never won.

 

"You win," Jongin throws his hands in air, prompting a satisfied smile from a very sleepy Kyungsoo. He is smiling as Jongin drops the pencil on the table and starts to ascend the steps.

 

“Paper weight,” Kyungsoo  reminds.  Jongin gives thumbs up placing the clear glass weight over the rowdy papers ready to slip at any given chance or wind.

 

Jongin grabs a comforter from the stack piled up in the corner cupboard ready to get back down but Kyungsoo grabs his hand on the way and scoots over to make some space for him.

 

"I can sleep on the couch," Jongin says holding it close to chest.

 

"Or better, you can sleep here.." Kyungsoo suggests, grinning and pulls the hand down. Jongin jerks forward, his knee hitting the bed sidebar's hard wood.  _Ouch._

 

"Sorry," Kyungsoo says, taking in his wincing face, eyes casting worried glances to where he had hit, releasing the wrist instantly.

 

"Nothing big," Jongin climbs into the bed, laying beside. Even before he can pull the comforter over his body, Kyungsoo is clinging to him, stealing body heat.

 

Kyungsoo is such a koala, he needs to have another body to hug to sleep, or just anything. The body pillow he hides under the bed and thinks no one knows about. Well, he can fool the world but not Jongin.

 

"You are suffocating me," Jongin grumbles under his breath, willing the blush to go away and pulling the comforter to cover his body with almost locked down limbs.

 

"Am sure you much prefer to be choked," Kyungsoo mumbles, followed by a sleepy yawn.

 

Air gets kicked out of his lungs, as Jongin squirms. If only Kyungsoo knows that those words can be very racy and have complete different meaning than what he intended. Or maybe Jongin is just a pervert, well, he makes manga and writes double edged words for dialogues.

 

Jongin racks his mind to say something witty or just any response but the soft snores ringing in his ears puts his heart back at ease as Kyungsoo is fast asleep.

 

***

 

"You stink. When did you last shower?" Kyungsoo scrunches his nose.

 

"You weren't complaining last night shoving your nose in my armpit," Jongin challenges, smugly as the corner of his lips switch into a smirk. He tosses another tuna can into the cart after checking the date printed in it in Let's-See-How-Small-Your-Can-Squint-Your-Eyes size of font.

 

Kyungsoo doesn't retort, but he can feel the other's eyes burning holes in the back of his skull.

 

Jongin checks out few other things, and turns back to check what's holding the other's lips shut tight not uttering a single word. He is greeted by only the cart and no Kyungsoo in his vision range.

 

"Soo?" He calls walking back to the cart left in the middle of aisle; he stands on tiptoes, craning his neck to look over few racks to see where the other disappeared to.

 

"Remember this?" Kyungsoo pops out of nowhere, his deep voice booming.

 

Jongin topples over clutching his heart, his hands holding the cart handle tightly. Few items get knocked over, falling on the floor. "You scared me!!" He whimpers sullen, completely out of breath. It takes him a few more deep breaths to calm down and send a mischievous smile to a very baffled Kyungsoo standing there hand losing the hold on the said item.

 

Kyungsoo squints his eyes, "You are way too dramatic sometimes!!" He throws a half-assed punch and hands him the package. Corn cream lollies.

 

Jongin makes a grimaced face at it, and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. "I know you love em more than me.."

 

He grabs it from Kyungsoo and tosses it along with all the others in the cart. They silently pick up the knocked out packages from floor and stuff them back into the racks, thankful for any of them not breaking or else they would have to buy them.

 

Meat section was last since they don't want it to go bad over more than an hour spent for a '10mins short trip to grocery store' and arguing every five minutes over which brand is better than the other and sometimes tossing them both in since they can't back their claims.

 

Despite Kyungsoo’s protest, the cart fills up with lots of frozen chicken. Cause chicken chicken chicken for chicken lover Jongin. Kyungsoo makes a mental note to check out more chicken recipes.

 

***

 

"Kyungsoo !!!!! Need you !!!!"

 

Kyungsoo should ignore the text message followed by an S.O.S, since he is in the middle of a boring sales report he has no interest in. He would rather hang out with Jongin in his dingy one room apartment or be forced to cook a proper meal for the man-sized-but-always-hungry-toddler, who is always too busy scribbling over the paper to even pop a instant meal in oven for few minutes. Or rather too reckless, careless, clumsy.

 

He isn't going, he is an adult and he is in the middle of work and he should not pay attention to Jongin's childish whims---

 

.

 

..

 

The front door bursts open.

 

"Jongin are you okay?" He runs inside kicking one shoe off his foot, which flies and hits the wall and falls back on his head like bad karma.

 

"You came!!" Jongin waves from his workstation. His grin widens, spreading light all over his  facial features under the dull lamp hanging about.

 

He is in one piece and all dandy.

 

Pursing his lips, Kyungsoo mentally curses himself for coming. Running over a silly text message, mind weaving various scenarios, from Jongin suffering on the ground with blood flowing out of his broken skull  to a robber having him at gunpoint tied him down to the chair or even some weird manga fan. It did happen before, one of those manga fans stalking Jongin around, sending creepy blood written love letters, and what so ever.

 

"Why didn't you answer my calls, stupid?" Kyungsoo scolds him and lets his body fall into the couch, his mind is jittery and legs jelly from climbing the steps so fast as he could. His breath caught in lungs with a tight knit of anxiety.

 

After a round of shuffling papers and a few pencil sticks falling on the ground, a almost dead phone gets pulled out. "I forgot it was on silent," Jongin says standing in front of him. "Did I trouble you?" He says softly, ruffling Kyungsoo's hair, his voice has dropped low, in concerned tone.  
  
Kyungsoo shrugs, loosening his tensed shoulder then snakes his hands around Jongin's waist, pulling him closer as his head rests against Jongin's soft tummy.

 

"I just.. had all these -" he is interrupted by the fingers gently scratching his scalp. It somehow soothes all those tensed knots and untangles them. A soft sigh falls from his lips. He is just glad that nothing is wrong.

 

"M'Sorry," Jongin whispers.

 

"S' Nhat yer phault," Kyungsoo's words are muffled as his hold on Jongin tightens, locking his fingers to keep him in place, keeping him close. Closer.

 

Jongin lets him, petting his hair slowly. The blanket of silence falls over the room, except the ticking of clock. It has sprung back to life with the new batteries Kyungsoo had fed it over his previous visit, two days ago.

 

"Would it be so bad if we start dating?"

 

Suddenly Kyungsoo asks, looking up at Jongin, with chin digging in his tummy now. Wide bright eyes peering at Jongin, full of hope. His throat bobs slightly, nervously chewing on the bottom lip.

 

Jongin sighs and stays silent choosing not to answer that question, except his heart beating ringing in both ears loudly.

 

They have done it. They have been through the same conversation over and over many times. It always ends with Kyungsoo's beautiful eyes turning red, as Jongin holding back from throwing himself into Kyungsoo's arms.

 

_Even when they are together, they are worlds apart. Two worlds that can never come together without destroying one another._

Jongin is the moon reflected in water. It appears close, reachable, acquirable but once Kyungsoo tries, the water ripples and shreds the illusion, leaving his fingers numb with cold and his heart aching.

 

Jongin gives Kyungsoo's shoulder a tentative squeeze, Kyungsoo looks away nodding slowly, more to himself than to Jongin. He is okay.

 

When their eyes meet again, Kyungsoo's wide eyes are glazed. But he doesn't say anything.

 

"Did you eat anything?"

 

Of course, even in his heartbreak state, Kyungsoo is still worried about Jongin's well being.

 

The answer is very much obvious, Kyungsoo doesn't even have to wait for one before he pushes himself on his legs and strolls past a very much statued Jongin to the kitchen to pop the fridge open and pull something out.

 

"Soo.." Jongin calls from where he stood, and gets ignored.

 

Kyungsoo hears the footsteps echoing in the background but ignores it since his pans and spoons are extra noisy today. Noisy Kitchen, cooking away his feelings is better than confronting them, and going days without seeing each other, or making it awkward until one of them gives in and goes back to being friends, strictly platonic, caring best friends with not so well hidden one sided feelings. Why does Kyungsoo have to be so dumb to fall for his best friend? Fate is cruel.

 

Oh how much more cruel it can be…

 

Jongin has been hovering behind him in hopes to let his words be heard over the sizzling of chopped pieces of meat as they hit the hot oil in a pan.

 

"I know," Kyungsoo draws out, avoiding eye contact, bumping into a very clumsy Jongin for the fifth time, as he tries to open the fridge to take out some spring onions.

 

"I didn't even say anything yet," Jongin protests, crossing hands over chest with a huff. He gets ignored once again as he continues watching Kyungsoo chop the vegetables into matchstick sized even pieces (which Jongin doesn’t like so they could go unnoticed in a spoonful), skillful hands holding the knife in a precise manner. Sneaky.

 

His hands are so pretty, and because of that, they met in the high school. One day a sleepy Jongin had bumped into a person knocking their books at the entrance of library. A set of very beautiful hands came into his vision collecting the papers and books. Jongin had just grabbed those hands and kissed them without even glancing at their owner, and once he did, a pair of wide eyes stared back at him, cheeks tainted pink like the petals of cherry blossoms, faint but clear. Jongin had chased Mr. Pretty Hands over a week and bribed the owner of the hands with hot piping cups of coffee/chocolate and whatever other treats he thought could do the trick, to let him draw those hands. Eventually those creamy corn lollies did the trick or so he thought, and  Mr. Pretty Hands gave in. And rest is history.

 

"It's not you Kyungsoo, it's me. You are perfect, more than perfect" Kyungsoo mimics in the same monotonous voice Jongin has delivered the lines more than a few times, but with an edge, it's rough slicked with mock. A smile is plastered on his face, stressing the word perfect, obvious distaste clinging to it.

 

Various emotions flood through Jongin's eyes and then his face breaks into huge grin. One that doesn't reach his eyes.

 

"You should punch me."

 

Kyungsoo gives him an unimpressed look, his eyes are still hard.

 

"C'mon, punch me," Jongin closes the distance between them and grabs Kyungsoo's wrists and shoves the hand in his stomach.

 

"Punch me Soo," Jongin chuckles low at how baffled Kyungsoo looked.

 

"Man up and punch me harder!! Think about all the times I made you sad!!" Jongin puffs his cheeks. Kyungsoo isn't even looking at his face.

 

"Punch me!!" He demands.

 

Kyungsoo clenches his hands into fists.

 

First blow wasn't strong.

 

Ouch.

 

"That's it?" Jongin grins.

 

This asshole..

 

Second blow wasn't either.

 

"More!!"

 

But third is a charm they say.

 

And Jongin stumbles backwards, blown with the force.

 

It's as if a dam broke loose. That follows many blows rapidly, punching his stomach in a speed that makes him cough and gasp for air as all the air was already knocked out of his lungs.

 

Kyungsoo's hard eyes welled up as he sits, straddling Jongin on the floor and showering him with weak fists mixed with sobs of his own. "Why are you so mean to me!!!" Kyungsoo sniffs, his hands stopping mid air as Jongin just lies down there on the floor not even protesting and just taking all the jabs.

 

Kyungsoo swats away Jongin's hand that reaches to his face trying to wipe the tears away.

 

Their heavy breathing, and Kyungsoo's quiet sobs fills the room as they both trying to regain some composure. Jongin winces at Kyungsoo's slightest movement, because those were some pretty good punches.

 

Kyungsoo sniffs and pulls at Jongin's wife beater shirt, revealing the newly forming blotches on his chest and stomach. He gasps as hand gently tracing the marks, eyes watering some more at what he had done.

 

Jongin's inhales sharply, chest heaving up and down under those finger tips as it leaves a trail of goose bumps. Kyungsoo retrieves his hand as if he had touched a burning pan and promptly tears his gaze away.

 

Amidst everything, the food gets burnt and was unedible. They end up ordering some jjajangmyeon from the nearest home delivery place as Jongin spends noticeable amount of time locked away in the bathroom.

.

..

 

"That was really good," Jongin comments, shaking his sealed bowl with both hands.

 

Kyungsoo glares in return and goes back to just concentrate on mixing his noodles and the sauce cooked with pork and some veggies. It does smell okay to eat for one day. If only Jongin wasn't being such a dick and egging him on to be get beaten up.

 

"Were you holding up grudges all these time?" Jongin asks while wiggling his brows suggestively.

 

Jongin seriously doesn't know when to stop. He is asking for it. Again. He needs another punch. Instead Kyungsoo throws a piece of meat at him, which hits his cheek before falling down on the floor.

 

Jongin eyes the fallen piece, contemplating whether or not he can just pick it off the floor and pop in mouth.

 

"Don't !!" Kyungsoo warns him. Jongin's lips settles into a pout and just stuff his face with some of the noodles.

 

"You don't even tell me the reason," Kyungsoo mumbles stuffing the food in mouth. His chest is feeling heavy, guilt of beating Jongin up is clouding his mind.

 

"Am gonna die," Jongin announces casually chewing with a mouth full.

 

Kyungsoo chokes, slapping his chest a few times with new set of tears welling up in his eyes caused by the uncomfortable feeling.

 

"Joke, bad timing," Jongin smiles sheepishly, offering him a glass of water.

 

"That's not funny!! You are not funny!!” Kyungsoo spits once he gained back his voice.  ‘You are just an asshole," He is this close to punch Jongin again but he had already left him few marks enough to last for weeks. The artist doesn't seem in a need of broken nose yet.

 

"Is that why you love me?" Jongin cocks an eyebrow smugly.

 

"You know what? Forget it!!"

 

The bowl is pushed on the table sliding over the corner and it's contents spilling on the floor. The empty bowl spins few times before it falls face down with a sound. Jongin would have to clean it later and mop the floor too if he doesn't want it to stink.  _Such a mess._   _He is such a mess._

 

"You are a complete jerk," Kyungsoo says visibly shaking, he is on the verge of tears again, his eyes stinging. He shoves one foot in the shoe and searching for the other. When he can't find it, he takes off and throws it in the hallway.

 

The door opens and shuts loudly.

 

"I really am," Jongin whispers to the now empty room, places his bowl down too, appetite long gone.

 

Storm has never been this silent.

 

He is all alone again, no one to nag him to shower or share those disgusting corn cream lollies with. No background noise of cooking in the kitchen a few feet away from him.

 

This is what he wanted, but everything we want can't bring us happiness.

 

But at least Kyungsoo would be happy, maybe not right now. Maybe with someone that's not Jongin the asshole™

 

And the thought alone makes him scream silently.

 

This shall pass too, he thinks.

 

***

 

"Am not paying if you empty the bar!!"

 

Baekhyun had called him asking if they can grab a drink to discuss some details. It's a cozy bar with nice beer and some Korean Mexican fusion food. Somehow Baekhyun always finds some cool place to hang out with nice food.

 

"Hyung~~ You have to hold your words!!" Jongin whines, tugging the cup back from Baekhyun's hold.

 

"Well, you see I can't hold words they don't have physical form."

 

"Whatever!!" Jongin ignores him, in favor of gulping down the cold liquid, hoping it would put down the fire in his chest.

 

An envelope slides on the table, "Here is what you asked for."

 

Jongin grabs it and quickly checks the contents and smiles, thanking Baekhyun for the hard work and putting up with him for all these years.

 

Baekhyun waves it off, wearing an uninterested face. But Jongin knows there is lingering curiosity behind the act of nonchalance, but he chooses not to slip anymore details than he already did. He already knows too much for Jongin’s comfort.

 

"So this is it?" Baekhyun throws the question at the end, stepping outside as they wait for the cabs to pick them up.

 

"I guess." He mumbles, not bothering to add anything else.

 

"There is still the ending left, maybe you should come by the office," Baekhyunsuggests.

 

"I haven't decided the end yet," Jongin confesses ducking his chin into the scarf he had messily looped around his neck. It smells of  _him._  One of the many clothing items Kyungsoo had left behind, over the countless sleepovers they had.

 

Jongin breathes in the scent, deeply inhaling. He had missed it so much. It's been over two weeks since Kyungsoo had disappeared behind that closed door. Disappeared from his life. It's for the best, he tells himself. It's the longest they had ever gone without talking to each other since they become friends in high school.

 

The streets are covered in thick white blankets of snow over parchment of grey concrete. Winter brings such a feeling of unexplainable dread. Kyungsoo has been the vibrant colors in this cold grey winter. With Kyungsoo, it's spring all year long. A life time of spring in sweet giggles and soft touches, shy glances and blushing cheeks.

His eyes sting as the cold air bites them.

 

"Is it because of romance? You are never cut for it," Baekhyun states checking his phone and tapping something, snuggling in his own coat.

 

"You are right." He agrees bitterly.  'Jöngin's never cut for romance.' he thinks again. 

 

They shortly part ways once their cabs pick them up.

 

And Jongin's run begins.

 

***

 

"You bastard!!"

 

Kyungsoo stops with hand in the air forming a loose fist, stopping himself from throwing a punch.

 

"Am I?"

 

Kyungsoo's visibly shaking as streaks of clear liquid streaming down his cheeks. He sniffs a few times, fighting another sob from escaping his lips.

 

"You moved all the way to Japan!!"

 

"You came all the way to Japan," Jongin reminds him and smiles when Kyungsoo glares at him with wet eyes. He should not bite those lips too much, he might break the skin and bleed.

 

Without another word, Jongin steps aside, waiting for him to step inside. But Kyungsoo scoots closer and encloses them in a embrace.

 

 _Mmm... His smell.._  Jongin has missed so much, the scarf doesn't smell like him anymore. Over the couple of months it has lost it. His hand hover over Kyungsoo's back, berating himself to return the hug or not. But in the end, fck it, he thinks and crushes the smaller.

 

Jongin should have known, it's different than other hugs they shared. Kyungsoo hugs him closer and tighter like if there was even a slightest gap, Jongin would slip from those cracks like quick sand.

 

 "Who?"

 

"Baekhyun," comes the small cracked voice, as more tears wet his shirt.

 

Jongin clicks his tongue. Of course, Byun Baekhyun! He is such a loose mouth. He should have not let him in but he was the one issuing all the payments and making the arrangements he had requested.

 

"I had to put him in headlock," Kyungsoo mumbles, still hugging. Laughing a little that rattles against Jongin’s chest and reverberating through his whole body, that he couldn’t help but laugh into the black tumble of hair.

 

"Can we go inside?" He lets go of the hug, it's getting too much. Too much for his heart to handle.

 

"Let me hug you for the lost time," Kyungsoo snuggles even more closer if that's even possible.

 

Jongin clenches his hands into fists by his sides after letting them hover over Kyungsoo's back and deciding against it this time. "Kyungsoo, I can't breathe," he grunts after several minutes of being squished between soft hands, and warm chest.

 

That makes him immediately retreat but Jongin misses the body warmth already.

 

"Where are you staying?" Jongin jogs over to the kitchenette, setting the kettle of water. He has so many questions, but Kyungsoo seems to ignore everything else except what he came for aka Jongin. And the thought alone making his knees buckle. What he had hid all along is now laid between them like blank sheet of paper. And he can’t let Kyungsoo to fill it.

 

"You learned cooking?" Kyungsoo looks amused perched on the kitchen top. Keeping closer distance ever since his arrival. So obvious,like always. 

 

Jongin shrugs and pulls out few varieties of teabag boxes he had bought from the traditional tea store. "It's just tea," he says, turning off the fire and pouring the hot water into two cups once he deems it's the right temperature as he studied in those tea preparation guide.

 

Kyungsoo points the sencha as Jongin picks sakura sachet, his favourite. Jongin fell in love with its lightness and the floral after taste it leaves. Pleasant, nothing too heavy.

 

"It's a bit tangy," Kyungsoo comments, placing his cup down, pressing his lips together. "Let me try yours," He doesn't wait and snatches Jongin's cup away and takes a sip, nodding in satisfaction. "Yours is better than mine!!" He accuses, deciding he likes this cup of tea better.

 

"I let you choose!!" Jongin reminds him, unamused at the sulk in his voice.

 

"Did you Jongin? Really? Did you give me a chance to choose?"

 

And Jongin notices how much weight Kyungsoo had lost, his cheeks doesn't have the lush like before, even the dark circles around his eyes revealing more than those sly lips masking everything with smiles since his arrival.

 

"Yes," Jongin clears his throat as it constrains forming the simple word.

 

"You should have let me choose other things too then."

 

And suddenly they aren't talking about the tea anympre. Jongin averts his eyes to the table, tracing the wooden swirls with his gaze. Kyungsoo frowns.

 

Unspoken tension and awkward lull..

 

***

 

"Nothing good would come of it Kyungsoo," Jongin tells him eventually.

 

"It's not up for you to decide," Kyungsoo replies, challenging Jongin turning to face him.

 

Kyungsoo had dragged Jongin outside wanting to see the small town, despite Jongin saying there isn't much to see in the small town besides the sea, surrounded by mountains and forests. At the end of the may, as best part of the spring has left the town. No more cherry blossoms to see or stroll in the streets ablaze with beautiful white and pink sakura. sweet and short lived beauty of nature.

 

Fingers curl around Jongin’s wrist lifting up, Kyungsoo brings it close to his face. Jongin stares as Kyungsoo bites into the small piece of yakitori, holding it between teeth and lets it slide off from the wooden skewer. The sauce sticking to his lips is very distracting as it glistens under the streetlights.

 

The wind blows making the hair fall into his eyes. Jongin reaches to push it back with the free hand but the hand decides to creep to the lips and wipe the sauce away and lingering there. Kyungsoo's lips parts and the wet tongue laps at the pad of finger and then sucking it inside gently.

 

Jongin forgets to breathe watching his finger disappear inside Kyungsoo's wet mouth, as the cushion like lips wrap around it. It's hot. His body and everything feels hot. Must be that hot piece of food he just ate with spicy sauce.

 

"Jongin-san!!"

 

Like electric shot broke the spell, Jongin pulls the finger out and turns to the cute girl, who is greeting him excitedly.

 

"Azumi" Jongin bends down and starts talking to the girl in almost perfect Japanese. He still has thick Korean accent laced around the words, from making it too perfect.

 

Azumi excitedly shows him one of those burnt sugar candies with a four petal flower cut design. Jongin ruffles her hair lovingly, causing her to pout and combs back her bangs with fingers in place. She giggles cutely.

 

"Kyungsoo-san!!!" She claps once she spots the other standing there awkwardly, with a cup of his own snack.

 

Kyungsoo's ears perks up at mention of his name and catches Jongin placing a finger on her lips and talking something in hushed voices. Its Japanese, even if Kyungsoo strains to hear the words, he wouldn’t understand a lick of it. puftt..

 

 She giggles and waves them both goodbye, running down the street to an old lady.

 

"She said my name." It's more of a statement than a question, amusement donning his face as twinkles of something sparkled in those eyes. It took Jongin considerable amount of self control and restrainment to not lean in and capture those lips with his.

 

"Jongin, she said my name!!" Kyungsoo pulls him back by elbow  as he fell a step behind since Jongin opted to walk ahead, he is still having that huge ass grin.

 

"She just saw your picture in my phone," he tries to wave it off as nothing big or important.

 

"You have my picture in your phone?"

 

And the smug smile of Kyungsoo remained for the rest of the night as they ventured the night streets trying different local food items.

 

***

 

The light flickers a few times but the power stays, the town is hit by a storm, as expected of rainy June.

 

"How long are you staying?" Jongin rolls around in bed and snuggle more into the sheets. It's getting colder due to the continuous rains for the past three days.

 

"How long you want me?" Kyungsoo is just as unfazed, perched on the chair by the window. It's closed but shuddering once in a while as the wind slams on it, letting its presence known.

 

"How about you leave tomorrow?"

 

"I can't," he gestures outside and shrugs without sparing him a glance and turning the next page of what he had in his hands and humming in approval of what he greets him.

 

"Stop reading my manga!" Jongin grits his teeth, closing the distance between them and yanking the book away.

 

It's getting annoying.  _Frustrating._  Kyungsoo and him in a close proximity. Bumping into each other in the small house, breathing down his neck when sleeping. It was never been a problem before.. back in South Korea, but he can't comprehend why it's bothering him so much now. Or maybe it did, but he had better ways to mask.  Or maybe it's true what they say, distance makes hearts grow fonder or something. Showing a meal to a starved man. It doesn't go unnoticed from Jongin's eyes, the small hope in those big eyes, and the down fall of Kyungsoo's lips when Jongin turns and leaves him whenever they are in each other's personal space.

 

Kyungsoo smiles, the most unapologetic and -I have heard you but I don't care- sort of one. "I heard you didn't finish your last one," he asks instead.

 

"I couldn't end it in few pages, they are too complicated for that.."

 

"It's pure love, what's stopping the guy from getting together with the other dude?"

 

"It's not pure love."

 

"Huh?"

 

"It's more of romantic love, Selfish love with expectations," The wind changes its direction and the pitter-patter of raindrops gets quieter just as their conversation gets heavier. “He would die soon anyway,” he adds averting Kyungsoo’s eyes, avoiding the emotions flowing through them at the last sentence or his own, he doesn’t want Kyungsoo to read him, he already knows too much.

 

The conversation making him breathless already.

 

"That's not as bad as you make it sound.” Kyungsoo crooks out, eyes layering with moist. “Death is a part of life Jongin, not the  _end_!"

 

If Jongin dared to take look, he would have seen him tremble, with fingers closed into fist and the finger nails digging into the flesh of palm, creating crimson cresents.

 

"How can they love knowing it won't last!!" Jongin's voice raises, and it's too late. Too late to back off. If Kyungsoo is holding his stance, so will he. They have been dancing around the fire for too long, and its time to put it off.

 

Kyungsoo doesn't resemble spring anymore, he is autumn on legs, life withering and fraying around the edges. And Jongin needs to turn it back before it's too late and ruined.

 

"Knowing it just won't make the feelings go away Jongin," his jaw clenches, and chest spasms, eyes burning but he blinks away the sting.

 

Jöngin's insides stirs and he is trembling, as a pair of soft lips are pressed onto his, Kyungsoo's hand pulling his neck down. It's a chaste kiss and Jongin can taste the tears streaming down to their connected mouths."Tell me if I am reading you wrong Jongin,"

 

The sky thunders somewhere outside and the power breaks, leaving the room in darkness. Jongin can't see anything, he chooses to not see the future that's looming behind his eyelids for that moment.

 

And a dam breaks as Jongin lets Kyungsoo have his way, deepening the kiss. It tastes nothing like the sweetness or fireworks going behind his closed eyes.It tastes of Kyungsoo - his pain, agony, ripples of sadness in the folds of his lips. Most importantly his love, and Jongin drowns in it without any hesitation, taking a deep inhale.

 

Their breaths mingles fanning over their skin as Jongin rests their foreheads together, a string of wetness connects their lips. Eyes still closed, like a coward. As if closing his eyes would have everything that happened to fade away. Unwrite the movement of his life, like a cleaned up page of his manga slate.

 

"Death is inevitable Jongin," Kyungsoo whispers to their lips resting together, more to himself than the other, sliding his palm over and resting it on Jongin's rapidly beating heart.

 

And suddenly Jongin isn't afraid of what happened, he is afraid of opening his eyes and facing even worse.

 

People come and go in this world. Jongin isn't afraid of departure but afraid of what he can leave behind. A broken Kyungsoo. His love isn't pure, it's more of selfish. A selfish romantic love that wishes his loved one to be happy and smiling not wallowing in the tattered pieces, holding on to their memories. Afraid he might ruin Kyungsoo for anyone else to help him pick those pieces up.

 

"Don't you dare push me away," Kyungsoo warns him. Pleads him. "Stop running from me.. _from us._.," he begs, fingers clutching the fabric of Jongin's worn-out t-shirt. The darkness blurring everything out and together.

 

And Jongin doesn't, instead he pulls him closer as they fall.

 

Fall deeper in love, so deep that it gets hard to breathe without one another.

 

Kyungsoo hear the beginning of a crack somewhere in distance but the falling doesn't stop. If that's what keeping them alive then so be it. He is tired of fighting and running and chasing. He has chased after Jongin to the small town of Japan and this is where they would stop. Should stop and live. Live together.

 

The world stood stills in the tiny room of that small house as their lips meet again. In a much-needed passion, their hunger for each other is insatiable.

 

The light springs back to life as Jongin's eyes open, drinking in the sight of Kyungsoo on top of him, kissing him back and flushed till the tips of his ears, as the sorrow and regrets filling his own heart till the brim.

 

The storm might pass the town shortly but the storm that started to stir in their lives would leave Kyungsoo like a shipwreck. A storm named Jongin, and Kyungsoo's decided to dance in the rain rather than wait for it to pass.

 

Naive Kyungsoo.

 

Fighting Kyungsoo's love was a war, a war within, and Jongin kept loosing from the day one.

 

"I love you," Kyungsoo murmured between quiet gasps for air clinging to Jongin neck, "I love you so much," The words rolled on his tongue for a long time and finally saying them took something off his chest, Kyungsoo never felt this light-headed in years. And the butterflies dancing around in his insides are just fueling his dizziness as the eyelids grow heavier.

 

Jongin pulls him closer, one hand around the waist and another resting on the neck playing with the short strands of hair standing there, because close isn't closer enough and everything blurs except Kyungsoo as he breathes in the familiar scent with a hint of body wash. It's heaven being in arms of Kyungsoo, kissing his soft lips to heart’s content.

 

"Stop."

 

And it's Kyungsoo who pulls their lips apart and takes a step back, eyes wide with realisation of something. "Why," Jongin whines as he tries to chase those warm lips but gets held in place with a very persistent Kyungsoo. He misses those lips already, and it takes him a minute to notice how much out of breath they both feel and the heart beating violently in his own chest. Fuckkkk...

 

"Your heart is beating too fast" Kyungsoo mumbles atop of him, as a concerned look adorns his features. His eyes wandering around the room for escape as he tries to even out breathing.

 

Jongin pulls Kyungsoo closer and places a hand on the shorter's chest beneath the clothed skin where the heart lies. "And you match mine," he whispers in tone that's in between a shock and awe, more in awe than shock. Kyungsoo blushes as the corners of his lips twitch. Encircling the wrist connected to the palm on his chest, with the index finger he finds the nerve that's been jerking so hard under the skin. "It's still fast," he sighs, pushing himself off Jongin and lying beside him.

 

"You did that with just a kiss," Jongin teases with a smile of his own as he pulls the hand away and cups Kyungsoo's face peppering kisses as if the butterflies are dancing on the too delicate flower petals, too afraid to make a crease over his divine beauty.

 

"It tickles!!!" Kyungsoo giggles as a heart blooms on his lips and tugs Jongin's heart along.

 

Do Kyungsoo, you will be the death of me. Jongin sighs into Kyungsoo's skin as they nestle together in the small bed.

 

The rain that continues to pour outside turns into a white noise. Kyungsoo curls up even more seeking some heat, which only Jongin can provide.

  


*******

 

It's even before the sunrise, the room was still dark that the phone set off. Kyungsoo has to pull his body out of Jongin's hold and make a quick run to the device connected to the charger. Mama Do was losing shit on the other side and Kyungsoo was trying not to snap back. It takes him few more minutes of nodding and counting his fingers to remind himself to breathe.

 

"U'kay?" Jongin's groggy voice greets him along with long legs instantly tangling with his own short ones, as he gets back in their shared bed. The bed is small for two but neither complaining; its not that hot anyway since its still the end of june and the sky still pours a little now and then.

 

Kyungsoo just hums under his breath, as their bodies pressed together. Jongin has such warm body, everything about him is warm. His warm coffee eyes, warm skin tone and warm smiles.

 

"You have to go?" Jongin asks him after a few beats of silence, neither of them able to fall back to sleep. He took a deep breath, waiting for the answer. Bracing himself with a what if…

 

"Am not going anywhere," Kyungsoo says with a finality in his voice yet his voice is soft and mellow like a reassurance, as if he knows the what if clinging to Jongin’s mind. He lays straight back pressed to the mattress but face turned to Jongin.

 

Jongin just nods, and that’s the end of the conversation either he wants it or not. Its too early to talk anything anyway. Kyungsoo breaths soft through his nose and turn his head to the ceiling.

.

..

 

Jongin balances himself on side with a hand supporting his head.

 

The early morning light, kisses Kyungsoo's features softly, and Jongin decides to study the wonder named Do Kyungsoo.. letting his eyes follow the forehead covered in a mess of black hair that split in the middle letting a sliver of skin to peek out, the thick black forest like eyes brows, the folds of his eyelids, the long raven lashes as they cast shadows over the swell of his cherub cheeks. The slope of the cute little nose and the raise at the button, and the curve of cupid bow over the upper lip as the skin starts to thin and spread like the petal of flowering expanding from the stem, the plump lips painted pink naturally as if sakura blossomed itself and dyed them before the spring is running away, the dip and swell of chin resting there as an end of a beautiful painting with a glimmer dancing at the tip.

 

Kyungsoo looks beautiful, beyond beautiful, that leaves Jongin at the loss of his vocabulary thriving him with a desire for learning the language better, to be a poet so he can praise him endlessly with all the beautiful words, and once he is done with Korean then learn other languages to do the same. But even then, Jongin would be left tongue tied with just the curve of Kyungsoo's lips, and the twinkle in his eyes. Kyungsoo always leaves him speechless. And something breathless like now as the wide eyes staring at him with something unreadable floating in them, that's even hard for Jongin to decipher. But all he can do is dip down and press his lips on the forehead to assure Kyungsoo of whatever is bothering him.

 

"Go see her once, she must be worried."

 

"More about business than me," he answers though the palm covered his mouth, resulting the words to come out muffled.

 

"I even smelled your farts, why you're covering your mouth now?" Jongin says incredulously, holding his laughter  at the way Kyungsoo is acting trying to mask his morning breathe after all these years of them seeing each other's all possible worst case scenarios. Like the time Kyungsoo drank so much and had to throw up early in the morning, with Jongin rubbing his back, as he mumbles about the gooey contents, still a little tipsy.

 

A weak shove is thrown at him, as Kyungsoo grunts, muttering something along the lines of dating and it's different now. That just makes Jongin to smile wider as he leans closer and press their lips together despite Kyungsoo's weak squeal of protest, sluggish limbs failing push him off.

 

***

 

"What's the festival about?," Kyungsoo asks, curious eyes wandering around watching the colorful thin strips of papers flattering in air as the wind sways the branches of small bamboo tree branches. Every house has a stick of bamboo shot poking from either the top, or in front of the house, and the branches decorated with paper cranes and such.

 

The whole town has transformed into something else as if it was dipped in rainbow river. The streets filled with new yatai as the amount of pedestrians has noticeably increased and the business buzzing more than normal days. Kids cheerfully running around holding colorful papers and eating sweets.

 

Every corner of the town is decorated with enormous colorful paper streamers in beautiful complimentary colors tied to ropes connecting two ends of poles as they hang above a foot over their heads, swaying in the wind, some are decorated with small ornaments and glitters.

 

"Tanabata festival," Jongin supplies as if that's self explanatory, as if Kyungsoo knows anything about Japan beyond that it's land of anime and cherry blossoms and some weird stuff he had came across articles about the country being weird with what-nots? You name it, you will find it.

 

Azumi declares something as she drags Jongin by pulling his shirt towards one of the yatai that's selling something as the sweet scent of it waffles through the air mixed with some of the neighboring stall's meat juices sizzling on the hot surface over fire.

 

Jongin grins and get them both something on stick, and she happily stuffs the first two pieces into her mouth and laughs as they make their way back where Kyungsoo stood studying a poster plastered on the nearby wall.

 

"Want some?" Jongin offers it without waiting for his answer. Kyungsoo shakes his head but his mouth gets stuffed with a sweet rice cake sort of thing. He glares but chews on the sweet delight. There was a big poster of some shrine with decorations all around and something written in Japanese in nice strokes of lines and dots. Jongin tells him that's it’s about the shrine nearby, which he hasn't bothered to visited either, since it was a festival there would be some sort of prayers and all that religious jazz. Jongin doesn't believe in God, well he does but in a way that's not worldly.

 

"Do you want to go to pray?" Jongin asks still entertaining a very hyper Azumi. Kyungsoo waves it off side stepping from another streamer that's going wild with the wind. Some were hung low, and falling on people's faces even for someone who falls on shorter side like Kyungsoo.

 

Azumi coaxes them into playing few shooting games which both sucked at, horribly missing every balloon and losing. Instead they buy a doll for the kid. Jongin buys a small penguin doll for Kyungsoo which earns him a weak punch on arm with a barely concealed smile. They fill their stomachs with a festival special noodle dish, chilled white noodles served with colorful topping of veggies and dip. Kyungsoo ends up cleaning the dip poured over the kid’s gown. She worries her lips thinking Kyungsoo is angry but he assures her and tells to be careful next time, which earns him a smile. She is cute, he thinks.

 

Azumi puts a flower behind her ear, acting cute and Jongin encourages her clapping his hands and smiling wide and she latches on Kyungsoo’s hand twirling around him. It looks sickeningly sweet and domestic that Kyungsoo almost gags but secretly loves the idea of having a family with Jongin, it leaves him with a tiny ache in heart but is quickly forgotten in favor of the caramel Apple's taste on his tongue.

 

"What's Tanabata festival about?," Kyungsoo asks on their way to home. They had dropped Azumi off at her grandmother's house, the old lady had thanked them again and again, for taking the child out since her old body wasn't able to keep the hyper child close and in one piece, to which the little girl had pouted hard, playing with Kyungsoo's fingers while he lets her.

 

"The star crossed lovers will meet today, once a year exclusive date," Jongin tell him, and when Kyungsoo gives a confused look he elaborates, "Once upon a time two people fell in love, and got together. They were neglecting their work so they were separated to do their work," Jongin adds with a smirk.

 

Kyungsoo glares pinching Jongin's arm "You sure you're talking about festival?" He levels a blank face, crossing his hands over chest in defense.  

 

"What else it's about?" Jongin gives him an amused smile, but the lift of his eyebrow is saying something else.

 

Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo pulls out the phone to do a quick Google search and finds similar story with names and all the origins history etc etc and that the festival falls on  Seventh day of seventh month of every year according to traditional calendar and this year it falls on August 7th .

 

The smug look he receives when he closes the tab and looks up has Kyungsoo blushing, as the ears turn red.

 

"Your mom is gonna punish us for ditching work too," comes like a reminder.

 

As if Kyungsoo gives any fucks about it, he ends up shrugging and pocketing the device after swiping away the new notifications.  "Will see when it happens." He kicks one of the stray stone to the side and adds "And for record she can't do anything if an employee decides quit right?"

 

.

.

.

 

"Do you have any idea how many steps were there?" Jongin pants, bending forward with hands on knees and breathing heavily.

 

"Jongin!!!" Kyungsoo's surprised to see him there but quickly reaches forward, places a hand on the other's face, forcing himself not to just reachout to check the pulse, cause Jongin hates  . It's hot and wet from the sweat running down from the hairline,some of the long strands sticking to sides of face.

 

"Why did you come!" Kyungsoo whines once Jongin had evened out his laboured breathing and is standing at the water faucet to wash up the sweat with cold water.

 

"why ? am I not allowed into the shrine?," He asks exaggeratedly placing a hand on heart with mock hurt.

 

"That's not what I mean-," he sighs, standing there lips pressed together into a thin line watching Jongin splashes some water over his face.

 

"What are you hiding?" Jongin narrows his eyes, tilting his head to side. Encircling both arms around Kyungsoo's waist he reaches for what's the shorter was hiding behind his back. A few droplets of water fall on Kyungsoo's neck as the hot breath ghosts over the skin, he shivers as eyes fall shut. Jongin is too close, almost hugging him. His hold looses unconsciously, letting Jongin take it with ease.

 

"Tanzaku," Jongin mutters holding it from one end, as all the colorful papers fall into a arc like a rainbow, and the thin ribbon threads swaying with the wind. A thick stack of wish papers Kyungsoo had bought from the seller on the way to shrine.

 

Kyungsoo's shoulders tenses, "Are you mad at me?" He asks in his low voice, not knowing what to expect. One, he had came to the shrine without telling the other and two, making wishes like this.. like a pathetic loser. But he wants to try.. do whatever he can.. beg to whoever god's.

 

Jongin laughs a little, eyes crinkling. Shaking his head as a no, he hands it back. "Are these all?"

 

Kyungsoo sniffs, and shakes his head, "No, I tied a few."

 

"Few papers?"

 

"..."

 

"Stacks," Kyungsoo admits, looking away shyly.

 

Oh..

 

Jongin's smile falters, just a little. But he clears his throat, making Kyungsoo finally look up. "Do you need help with the rest?"

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head again, with a sad smile on his lips, thankful for the offer, "I have to do this," he says, taking the papers back from Jongin, who lets go of them all.

 

Jongin sits there watching Kyungsoo furiously scribbling down on each paper and waddling around tying them to the bamboo tree branches. Most of them are already filled with wishes.

 

Kyungsoo stands on his toes, fingers pulling the two strings together to form a knot. Suddenly the branch lowers by itself. Turning around, he comes to face to face with Jongin whose long arms tugging the branch lower and is wearing a mischievous smirk. "Shortie" he mouths.

 

Kyungsoo lets himself fall back on his feet finding footing from standing on tip toes. "Thank you," he says pleased when Jongin winches over dramatically just because of a small jab in his ribs.

 

"So many wishes you have there," Jongin teases him once Kyungsoo is done tying the last paper and rubs his hands together and then cracking the stiff fingers, satisfied when they make small cracking noises.

 

"Just one." comes the curt answer.

 

"Huh?!" Jongin blinks and after several minutes of no response, looks back at Kyungsoo, who just shrugs and averting eyes at the first chance of whatever distraction he could find.

 

They end up praying together, Kyungsoo taking longer, so Jongin busies himself watching the way Kyungsoo's big hands attached to slim wrists clasped together and eyes shut together, eyebrows furrowed. The shorter almost looks like he is having a fight with whatever deities he is relaying those prayers to. It won't be a surprise if Kyungsoo is really having a battle with whatever god's up there, he is like that, stubborn lil shit, won't ever give up.  _His_ stubborn lil shit. Jongin feels his heart growing an inch more, if the same goes on, his chest won't be able to hold his overgrown - filled with love for Kyungsoo - heart anymore, might someday just leap out and roll to Kyungsoo's feet and lay there begging for mercy.

 

"What did you ask for?," Jongin nudges him as they walk out together.

 

"Can't tell," he answers, brings their both hands together and linking them by sliding his fingers between the gaps of Jongin's.

 

Jongin squeezes his fingers closing them around Kyungsoo's. They are smaller than his, but they fit well, and warm just like Kyungsoo's soul. Which country did he saved in his previous life that he got someone like Kyungsoo? Jongin wonders smiling down at him, lips stretching into a small pink heart outline formed by the lips, and pearly white teeth almost filling them. And Jongin doesn't think twice as he dips down to press a tender kiss to them lips, and whispers, “I hope it comes true."

 

The wind blew a little stronger, messing up Jongin's overgrown hair and covering his eyes a little, but the heart shaped smile he was gifted as Kyungsoo turns to him doesn’t go unnoticed. And it takes him two heartbeats to pull Kyungsoo closer to his chest and cover him boldly. Today he can be a little greedy. In the name of star crossed lovers reunion, he can display a little of his love, as he loves his lover a little more... A lot more and more. as the day goes on and even more the next day.

 

Kyungsoo wiggles and squirms in his hold whispering things that flew with the wind for the first few times but after a jab to his ribs brings him out of his head and loosening the grip. "People are watching," he says shyly, as his cheeks flushed.

 

"Then let's go somewhere else... just you and I," Jongin replies taking the small hand in his and walking absent mindedly to somewhere, anywhere, where he can love without anyone's curious eyes praying or judging.

 

He settled himself on a rock and Kyungsoo beside him, his arm resting over the petite shoulder, as Kyungsoo nuzzles closer. The shrine up the hills with so many steps, and then on one side, spreads into forest with long trees. From there they could still see the people going in and out of the shrine and making wishes, and praying. The loud chatters from the far distance are just dulled whispers carried by the wind.

 

The world around blurs in distance as the sun hides behind the horizon long ago to shine over other continents. The orange hue kisses the horizon as the dark blues drapes rest of the sky as a beautiful gradient created in photoshop. Jongin thinks it would make a nice cover for the manga, with the lead lazily leaning in the curve of crescent moon with a foot dangling down, like how Kyungsoo is dangling his legs, as he crooned a tune too familiar even without words.

 

"You don't draw anymore," Kyungsoo whispers out of nowhere as if he was reading Jongin's trail of thoughts just by sitting beside him, fiddling their joined fingers.

 

"Maybe I should?" He says.. questions.. maybe himself. "Will you be my canvas?" He chuckles when Kyungsoo's face morphs into a confused expression with caterpillar like brows furrowed together and meeting in the centre as he turns his puzzled face to look at Jongin. The shrine Bell rings as wooden block hits the suspended hollow metal mould, sending vibrations through the air. It bursts the bubble around them as well as startling the birds resting on the trees nearby.

 

Later that night, the sky gets covered in paper lanterns lit brightly, fighting with the stars for once, carrying the wishes of people with them. Jongin prays whatever gods up there to fulfill Kyungsoo's one wish.

 

***

 

"Tasty," Jongin muses throwing the stem in the bowl sitting between them.

 

Kyungsoo nods his agreement lips tight shut, as his cheeks bulged as he leans on the wooden pole. There are still some left on the stem.

 

Few droplets of sweat pooling in the curve of his neck, his fair skin flushed red due to the humidity.

 

Jongin casts his neck to a side watching him, Kyungsoo blushes under the gaze and quickly chews and brings a hands to wipe away the juice escaping the corners of his lips. They went for a morning walk as the sun just peeking over the clouds making it a perfect day to stroll around. They bought some really pretty looking Kyoho-Japanese grapes. They grew so big and fleshy because of the intense hot summer heat.

 

Jongin catches his hand, fingers ghosting the hot skin and leans in as a tongue peeks out to run over the smooth skin covered in juice of the grapes. "Delicious," he smiles pecking the lips before he readjusts to his original place with a smile on his lips.

 

It takes Kyungsoo a few moments to shake off his .jpg mode with a murmur of "fuck you" and then he runs off inside the house leaving a laughing Jongin behind at the flustered mess of his boyfriend. Boyfriends!!!!!! It's really happening. Kyungsoo, Jongin's boyfriend after so many years of holding back.

 

They have to make up for the lost time, time Jongin had been holding on like a stupid he was.

 

***

 

  
"I am not coming back!" Kyungsoo stated sternly.

 

Jongin flinches at the harsh tone but quickly composes himself before setting the tray on the low table. Sliding a cup of tea to the older woman, who in turn glares at him, and another to Kyungsoo, before he excuses himself silently.

 

"DO KYUNGSOO!!"

 

"You can take the DO with you when you leave, have the tea before it turns cold .."  _like your heart_ , his mind supplies but he bites in his tongue to stop it from escaping his lips.

Mama Do's unannounced visit had him on toes the whole day. She had the nerve to come and try to drag Kyungsoo back to the hell hole of the company, after all these years of forcing and threatening him to do what she wanted. Not anymore.

 

"You have to come with me or else," her hand curls in her lap. As seconds tick by, her anger is growing and practically looming over her head like monsoon clouds, dark and ready to burst at any given minute.

 

"Or else?!!!! Or else what mother?!" Kyungsoo stands up, he takes a deep breath, then tugging his hair. "Or else what else would you take away from me?? I have nothing!! Nothing more you can threaten me with!!" With tears in his eyes, Kyungsoo storms out of the room.

 

And the tea cup breaks along with the woman, "I only wanted best for you," she whispers to the empty room. Maybe she didn’t realize what’s best doesn’t always make one happy, or may have forgotten that small piece of knowledge fighting for the power.

 

Jongin comes and gathers the broken pieces one by one before the woman can hurt herself by touching it. "He doesn't want the company," he tells her. Maybe she knew it already, he was just merely reminding and continued, "He never liked it in the first place."

Placing a new cup on the table, he pours fresh hot tea before sliding it towards her. She had her head down, not able to look at him. He vaguely remembers her dirty look over him, the first time Kyungsoo took him home. She never liked Jongin, but he never let that bother him, and it did not bother him now. By the time she spares him a glance, it was as if she threw a silent accusing, ‘You changed my son,’ which stung a little.

 

The expensive tires screech over the cement road. "She left," Jongin announces, then arranges himself on the wooden floor and hisses at the hardness.

 

Kyungsoo nods absentmindedly, throwing a handful of pellets into the koi pond. The fish swims to the surface for the food, opening their mouths wide. Kyungsoo had bought the unused large brass tub from the old couple who runs a family store few streets across and turned it into a small koi pond.

 

  
"We need to move the pond to shade, the koi loosing their colors," he says playing with the with the red and black dotted fish that came to the surface. The white and red aren't as vibrant as they used to be maybe because of the sun blasting like it's no one's business.

 

Jongin sighs at the lukewarm response and turns himself towards the shorter to pull him close. Kyungsoo groans but Jongin holds his face between both palms making the eye contact before he can pass his message across, "You can't take refuge in a burning house, Soo."

 

Kyungsoo pauses for a second, the darting side ways eyes finally giving up on escape staying still ... And then he burst into guffaws of laughter, as his tired eyes finally breaks into tears. "I would rather burn down with the house than die on the streets... Jongin, please,"  _please.._ "This is what I want,"  _you... I want you...us_.

 

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and gulping down the lump in his throat. Before he knows it, Jongin had leaned forward pressing their lips together in a silent protest to stop whatever words that's threatening to spill out of his lips. They get drunk on their tears that day, as the packet of pellets falls in the pond with a splash of water.

 

***

 

"Soo ~~," Jongin pouts drawing the last O sound, a little more than necessary, seated on the chair under the observation of sharp eyes.

 

"Shut up Jongin," he hisses, brows furrowed in concentration. Holding Jongin's jaw in one hand, he turns it side to side checking if he had left any blind spots. He runs the razor over the spot under the chin for a good measure.

 

"Do I look sexy now?" Jongin chuckles running a hand in his hair and letting it go as the strands struggle to find their original place and giving up midway only to stand messily.

Growling low, Kyungsoo pushes the hair back. After shaving, he wanted to cut the hair too. But Jongin stared to whine to not touch his hair, so he let it be, for now. "You are still half a caveman," he taunts with a snicker.

 

"Sexy caveman," Jongin corrects, with a smirk.

 

Swatting his hand away around his waist which are trying to pull him close, Kyungsoo hides the smile by biting his lower lip. He busies himself by pulling out his own razor to shave the growing stubbles.

 

"Didn't you shave like, yesterday?" He asks, pulling the hair backwards and securing it with a band into a small bun. Kyungsoo glares at him through the mirror, it looks messy but it suits him just fine. He makes a mental note to pull it down a little later since it seems lopsided.

 

"That was two days ago," he mumbles, running fingers through hair. It has grown quite lot too, he needs a haircut too. Maybe he can drag them both to the barber this weekend.

 

"Do you know what they say about people who grows hair faster?" His tone is teasing.

 

Kyungsoo should ignore it. "What?" He asks as the curiosity builds up.

 

"That they are horny little shits"

 

Jongin expected another swat or a pinch or at least a jab in his ribs. But not a flushed Kyungsoo looking like deer caught in headlights with wide eyes and razor in hand stopping in the air.

 

"So you really ar--," he cuts himself off with loud laughter booming through his chest, "never thought you for horny one--" more laughter as he falls off the chair with how much he is laughing and clapping his hands.

 

"Jongin Jongin breathe-- fck stop laughing- breathe!!! -" abandoning the razor on the floor, as he runs to the cabinet pulling out the bottle of medicine.

.

..

…

 

"Stupid," he scolds, once Jongin gets normal, his breathing evens out. He can't even bring himself to say anything else as Jongin makes himself comfortable leaning on the wall next to him and the hand snakes it way to Kyungsoo's. His heart softens as they play with their fingers. It looks funny..maybe not really.. but Kyungsoo just wants to think about anything else than the pressing weight over his shoulder where Jongin had rested his head.

 

A soft cooler breeze forces the thin fabric of curtain to sway with it through the open window. The sunlight peeks through whenever the baby blue curtain levitate in the waves of wind, drawing patterned lights on the floor.

 

"It's suffocating, Soo," Jongin's voice cuts though the tension spread between them like a ship cutting though the long tides in the thick ocean, disturbing the semblance of whatever calmness it had.

 

Kyungsoo wants to all but run, as the anxiety building up inside him, and it's growing for hours. But Jongin is holding him down, as his words prickling his heart like pins and needles, "I can never experience normal things others took granted for. I can't even kiss you breathless without you pulling away with fear in your eyes which should be filled with love. It hurts so much. I want to hold you so fckng much... Why do you love a coward like me?" Jongin hiccups, and brings the free hand to wipe his nose and groans at the wetness.

 

It's the same question, Kyungsoo had asked himself so many times. Why does he love Jongin so much that it causes him physical pain. Only the universe holds answers to such questions. Kyungsoo chuckles low, glancing at Jongin and finding him half asleep already, as if he didn't just pour his heart out? Maybe it was the meds, the relaxants that is taking effect. A sad smile takes over his features as the tiredness takes over and makes his eyes shut lulling him into sleepy haze.

 

He grunts at the bones digging into his sides and rustles in the sheets to find a comfortable position, but his eyes shoots open as he remembers they fall asleep on the floor. "You awake," Jongin's sleepy yet deep timbery voice greets him, sounding just as sleepy as he feels. Kyungsoo nods with a small hum, throat too dry to form any words, closing eyes and letting Jongin manhandle him, which ends up with his body being dragged to lay directly on Jongin's chest. He can't help but nozzle into the chest as the sweaty scent of Jongin invades his nose, he sighs in contentment. He hadn't been able to sleep much past week, and it's the best sleep he has in days.

 

They can live like this.. Kyungsoo thinks sleepily, hearing Jongin's heart beating steady as it lulls him back to land of dreams.

 

  
***

  
"Stay still," Jongin orders monotonously, as he mixes the red and yellow over the pallet and obtains some other shade.

 

Kyungsoo pouts but stops moving on the rock he sat, or has been seated on, for the past hour, shirt discarded. His ass feels sleepy. He shivers as the cold gust of wind nipping at his exposed skin.

 

He watches as Jongin pushes back the black rimmed glasses that dared to slide down his cute nose. He looks concentrated, working on something after a while after being away from what he loves doing. Jongin had dragged him as soon as a small package arrived, which Kyungsoo assumes was something from online shopping. The duffel bag containing some other things is laying on the green grass near his leg, he tries to swing and see if he can touch the threads of it.

 

Gasping at the cold touch, he turns around to see Jongin grinning and standing by his left side with finger tips dipped and tainted with colors.

 

"Why are you coloring me?" He asks indignantly, jumping off the rock and crossing arms over his chest.

 

"I asked you to be my canvas," Jongin snickers and pulls him back to the rock by holding his shoulder with the free still bare uncoloured  left hand.

 

"I thought you wanted to draw me," he pouts and reluctantly lets go of the hands folded over hic chest, with shoulders still hunched. Jongin had asked to let him draw the hands first, and then eyes some other times and once, weirdly, ears. If Kyungsoo wasn't infatuated with him by the time, he would have made a run for his life from this weirdo artist and his obsessions.

 

"I wanted to draw  _on_  you," Jongin answers, pushing those raven strands of hair covering Kyungsoo's forehead and straightening his back, who squints his eyes but lets Jongin do whatever he wishes.

 

Jongin's fingertips traces the expanse of ivory skin, and turning it into a mess of various shades of the seven colors of rainbow and the countless shades born when mixed. He can't help it, but the coldness makes his body shiver occasionally. As far as he can see his chest, it's covered with various patterns and more colors. More than he thought he could identify. "Nopp," Jongin shook his head catching Kyungsoo's line of vision, as he popped a little longer and pulling his lips into an adorable pout.

 

"Don't look until I say so," he tilted Kyungsoo's chin up using his own hand curved at wrist and and pressed a lingering kiss to the lips, which were trying to throw some juvenile comeback. Kyungsoo flushed a shade of pink, which Jongin definitely caught.

 

They are near the forest, on the side where it thins down into grass and has few rocks here and there, water streams somewhere near by, the autumn had took hold of the weather as the leaves lose their natural color and turn into scarlet a contrast to the clear blue skies. It's like the perfect picnic spot for the families to come, sit and share a meal in peace as the kids play around. Maybe once the cold weather is gone, they could come back and bring Azumi and her grandmother, Kyungsoo thinks mostly to keep himself occupied and not to think about the fingers exploring his skin. And it's inevitable, when Jongin bends so close and breathes down his neck chasing the lines he is so immersed in connecting.

 

It wasn't supposed to, it really wasn't, the small inaudible moan he let out as Jongin repeatedly fondled with his nipple, was a mistake!! Kyungsoo swears he had not other hair-growing-thoughts at the moment but Jongin's hawk-like eyes, filled with amusement and watching him, had him turn around and the flushed skin underneath the colors turn a shade of red. And the torture that follows had him close his legs, along with eyes. Think about.. about maybe chicken? The birds?..

 

"Holy shit, I read about suicide forest - t-this isn't that one, right?" He gestures to the forest, drawing a low chuckle from Jongin, fingers stopping and messing up a little due to the whole body shaking as he laughs."It is," he says trying to stifle even more chortles from spilling from his lips.

 

"Jongin we need to go!!!" Kyungsoo jumps off the rock, and grabs the bag from ground, "C'mon!!!"

 

"Soo, relax!! I lied" Jongin straightens himself, snickering.

 

"Bastard!!" Clutching his chest, Kyungsoo backs off and lets the bag slide as his ass drops on the rock, wiggling around to find the previous spot that's still warmer than the rest.

 

"You ruined it!!" Jongin stomps.

 

Looking down, it really got ruined a little where his hand had pressed to hold his heart from dropping down. And Kyungsoo can't help but wonder how much more worse it could be for Jongin to control all those emotions, fears and excitements, from making his heart race in fear of stopping it all together. The glaze in his eyes doesn't go unnoticed. "Soo, you okay?," Jongin asks kneeling down in front of him, and tried to wipe away the tear but it results in making a mess of paint over his cheek. Kyungsoo nods and prompts Jongin to continue, watching Jongin work on him, wondering what's going inside his beautiful head when he yet again mixes another color combo. The time flies between feather touches and shivers of the skin along with his heart. And before they know it, the sun drops beyond the horizon and the sky turns into a color pallet of nature to draw swirls of fancy fragments of pigmentation.

 

.

..

…

 

"Done," Jongin whispers, "you are my walking four seasons now," and he cups Kyungsoo's cheeks between still-wet-with-paint fingers. " _Fuyu_  ... Winter ..." one of his hand runs over to the lower part of abdominal where it's created in darker blues and indigos spread, with a little bit of white as the snow, " _Haru_ ... Spring ..." the finger gradually shifts into more lighter shades of the same and then turned into greens and vibrant colors of joy and a bird spreading his wings, " _Natsu_  ... Summer ..." the warmer hues as the sun smiles down, " _Aki_  ... Autumn ..." and the enviable fall. Jongin's fingers curl around the shoulder, where the almost dead like tree sprawls out and fades into his shoulder blade. "My four seasons," he mumbles between their lips and Kyungsoo melts under those feather kisses pepper from his lips to nose to forehead and eyes, not missing a spot.

 

His heart beating violently and twisting his guts, but he dares to pull Jongin in for more for the first time, complies Jongin’s silent plea. Whatever hesitation has been there gone when Jongin assures him that its okay.

Kyungsoo gasps when more of his skin revealed to cold air, his senses becomes more awake with their bodies pressed together, tangled limbs exchanging body heat. Jongin dips down to run his lips over the trembling skin.

 

Something rustles in the forest. As if a blanket of lights making waves in the air, the fireflies starts buzzing around and filling the area like a reflection of the sky above them. Stars everywhere.. around them, witnessing their union of bodies and soul and Jongin lies him down on their discarded cloths. Kyungsoo whimpers under those fire like touches as goose bumps rise everywhere and he isn't the only one covered in paint. Jongin cups his face looking into his eyes and pulling Kyungsoo into his own. They set their own rhythm as skins tingle and his insides ache with pain, mixed with pleasure.And Jongin is the only word Kyungsoo can remember and utter and nothing else matters the moment except the artist in his arms trying to take them to the edge of euphoria.

 

Panting and spent, they lay on the grass watching the stars and connecting the fire dots of the sky, while Jongin much prefers to connect the moles on Kyungsoo's neck, who swats the hand and scoots away. "The star dust settled at the curve of your neck is where I want to hide," Jongin scoots along and hides his face in Kyungsoo's neck and his lips stretch into a huge grin as a goofy smile spreads over his face, "Did I hurt you sweetheart?" He asks as Kyungsoo winces ever so slightly, trying to turn around. "No," he sniffs, "-am just h-happy," he tears as those damn eyes betray him yet again. "I love y-." He gets cut off as Jongin hugs him closer, patting his head, still both of them, naked as the day they were born except the parts covered in clothes weaved by colors.

 

Jongin thought for a long time, there was something about him that made Kyungsoo love him, to be so smitten... But with passing of time he realized Kyungsoo is the one who decided to love a stray dog like him, who upon a mere display of affection can wag his tail, who yearns for a little bit of love . It was Kyungsoo all along loving Jongin selflessly, no matter how hard he had made it at times.

 

 _Am just a beggar whom you decided to grace with your kindness, so here I kneel down to you my king..._  “till death do us part'..." he whispers softly the last few words against Kyungsoo's skin, linking their hands together once again.

 

As the wind, moon, air and nature around witness Jongin makes a promise -  _this peasant who doesn't have anything but himself to offer, will forever will be your slave, and your knight to protect you_  - Kyungsoo squirms in his hold as if to acknowledge his promise.

 

  
***

 

"Maybe we should just go home," Azumi wrings her fingers, looking down at her shoes.

 

Kyungsoo holds back a laugh as Jongin shakes his head. Kyungsoo had learned enough Japanese to understand. They were waiting for the train to Kyoto to drop her off to her parents, who are too busy to make a trip due to their hectic business schedule.

 

 "You just don't want to go to school," Jongin teases her. She pouts in return sliding off from his side and going to Kyungsoo's, hoping he would let her slide this time. They already missed one train but missing this one too will only postpone her impending joining of school year. Which Azumi sure would enjoy.

 

Kyungsoo takes her on his lap and offers the candy he grabbed on the way. She casts glances at his face and the candy, he gestures for her to take it. Smiling, she peels the wrapper and sucks on the sweet in delight. Jongin makes a face at the duo, snorting. Kyungsoo responds by pinching his inner thigh, smirking as he topples over over-exaggeratedly, then huffs.

 

Their train arrives shortly. Kyungsoo takes the window seat with the kid in his lap and Jongin beside them, who decides it's time to continue the remaining sleep from the morning and falls asleep on Kyungsoo's shoulder.

 

The train passes through the fields and mountains as fast as it can, and everything is bustling around him, people immersed in chatter yet some sort of uneasiness starts to pool in his guts, he couldn't put a finger on it. It's irritating.. it's... It's the sort of dreadful feeling before something bad happens... He never felt this way before... And today.. there isn't any reason to feel so-- a hand curled around his finger and the name cuts his thoughts short. "Ojisan!! Look!!"

 

Kyungsoo smiles down at the curious girl pointing something out of the window, which is already gone by the time he turns his attention towards. They have became closer than he had expected, patting her hair affectionately as he listens to her retelling of what caught her curious mind. Azumi is a sweet kid, and easily amused at everything and anything, she loves food and sweet treats. Kyungsoo more than he can count, had given her treats.

 

Azumi does throw a tantrum when her father comes to pick her up at the station, but what can they expect from a small kid who is too infatuated with the small town, her grandmother, and two gay uncles who shower her with attention and affection whenever. Surprisingly or very unsurprisingly, it's Jongin who tears up as he peppers kisses to her both cheeks as they part ways.

 

Truth be told, Kyoto is one heck of a city one should visit in their life time, and Autunm is the best time of the year as it seems, and Jongin is the most excited, wanting to explore as much as possible in one day which is impossible. The historical aspect with a modern touch is breathtaking, and eye-catching.

 

"Jongin !! We can visit that next time?" Kyungsoo breathes through his mouth, annoyed a little when Jongin keeps talking about various places all at once like an excited kid who is placed in an amusement park, and the kid wants to go through all the ride!! And there isn't much time.

 

Jongin's lips forms a pout and gives the map back to Kyungsoo, to the more careful hands.

 

It was a 5 minute ride from the Kyoto station and the international manga museum is a huge ass building. Thousands of racks filled with massive collection of originals. "Think they have yours??" Kyungsoo wiggles his eyebrows at an awestuck Jongin, standing there with open mouth, maybe confused of where to start or what to do first, because they have countless stacks and stacks of books. It takes a few minutes to stop staring and look for where Kyungsoo has waltzed to, then he finds the shorter talking to.. perhaps a staff member. Kyungsoo turns around and signals him to follow to a section dedicated to foreign and translated works.

 

"There," Kyungsoo points to a book with a 'Kai' print at the down right corner as 'Monsters inside' takes the most part of the page with a character's face half chopped exposing metallic eye glowing red, and human eyes is closed peacefully, soft hair covering most part of it.

 

"Don't read that," Jongin steps closer and pulls the book out of his hold and places it back in place, "It has sad ending" he grumbles, "the lead dies." Kyungsoo shakes his head, he doesn't like sad endings either, especially one that ends with death. He follows Jongin around as he pulls a more vibrant colorful looking manga and tugs him to the cafe that the museum has at one corner for the people to enjoy their drinks, as minds immerse in a world apart.

 

Halfway through his Latte, Kyungsoo loses interest in the book in front of him. He chooses to study Jongin instead.

 

"Ai shiteru yo" he mouths, once Jongin catches him staring. Red creeps to Jongin's cheeks at lighting speed, as the straw resting between his lips falls into the drink as a few drops splashes around inside the cup. "Don't say that!!" Jongin warns.. _begs_   _him_ , sharply closing the book and walking away, as his heart just did a flip at those words again.

 

Kyungsoo is left wondering what's wrong saying 'I love you' when they both had done that already, and Jongin's confession, thinking he was asleep. Well he wasn't, and he heard those hushed confession and promise of..  _till death do us part_.

 

He really is a coward when it comes to Kyungsoo, Jongin should have stopped himself before it's too late... Or they.. he falls even deeper. Kyungsoo's 'I love you" rings in his ears like the impending death bells, reminder of the future when he inevitably leaves the world, leaving Kyungsoo in ruins, for himself or anyone else. He can’t trust himself with Kyungsoo, he always slips.. and falls. And breaks.

 

.

..

 

  
The ride back and to Kyoto tower is long. Longer than the fight to Japan, and nerve wrecking to Kyungsoo. The heavy rush isn't helping at all either due to the visitors from around the world, they had to stand. Just when it comes to a halt, Kyungsoo inevitably sways. Jongin comes to rescue, with one hand wrapped around his waist as the large palm rest on the small of his back. Kyungsoo can't help but grin into Jongin's chest when he gets pressed even closer. It's calming, having him close, the jitters stopping for the time being, letting him uncurl his toes inside the shoes.

 

The Kyoto tower stands tall and high like the pride of Kyoto itself.

 

 They were crossing the street to the sky kissing tower when an ambulance buzzes past them. The sound of siren jolts his heart. He takes a deep breath, as the crisp air burns his lungs a little. Kyungsoo prays for whoever in it to have a speedy recovery.

 

Jongin turns around to see what stopped him with a quirk of brow; Kyungsoo just shakes his head and takes the out stretched hand linking their finger together with a  wide smile. He can’t help but attach himself more to Jongin's side as they walk to the entrance.

 

They end up in the B1 floor where the famous restaurant is located. Jongin nitpicks the food, pushing it around the plate, which is very unlike him, Kyungsoo just watches, unsure of what to say or not. The food tastes bland. He presses his tongue flat against the roof, afraid he would end up saying something else again. He glances at Jongin to check on him and then, checks the meds inside his pockets for good measure, he has always been carrying them around. The restaurant is getting too loud, ringing in his ears, even flinches at Jongin's words, as the knots in his chest gets tighter.  
  
'Are you alright?" Jongin asks him, his own face morphed into a weary expression. He looks tired and exhausted.

 

Bitting down his lower lip, Kyungsoo nods and takes a sip of the drink. His hands shaking, while holding just the glass.

 

.

..

 

"Hello?" Jongin fishes out the phone. It hasn't been few mins they got separated.

Kyungsoo wanted to buy some souvenirs for their friends. Jongin had wandered away, trying to breathe a little, his head hurts. Maybe he is just thinking too much, Kyungsoo just merely said what he feels. It's nothing new, but he just can't shake off the weird feeling in his chest. The words he never returned, afraid he won't be able to ever take them back.

 

" liste-- listen to me- -- I love y-you, god I l-love you so much-"

                                                                                                                                 

"Soo I told you not t--, wait, where are-- are you cryi-" Jongin loses balance and had to hold the table. A few rings roll off the table and falls with a clank on floor, the sales person glares at him. He entered the jewelry store because of the poster of a happy couple holding hands with the rings, he wanted to check them. He knows he can never wear one with Kyungsoo, but stupid heart dreams of things it can't have.

 

"Y-you ... if I known I w-would die -- would have m-arried yo-u ..."

 

The voice on other side cuts off, there is sharp intake of breathe followed by a hiccup. And unexplained pain jabs every corner of Jongin's existence, as fat drops of tears taking birth in his eyes.

 

"Where are you ? I am coming to get you- why are yo--" he shouts into the mouthpiece of phone, his grip on it tightening till the edge crack and sink into his skin. He hisses at the person trying to tell him something and side stepping her. Nothing is registering in his mind. Nothing makes sense, Kyungsoo's crying on the other side and.... Why are people suddenly shouting and running. His head is spinning, he needs to find Kyungsoo. He just briefly wanted to stay alone to collect his thoughts, he doesn't want—

 

"Cha---sed after yo-u s-ooner--"

 

"Shut the fuck, tell me where are you?" Jongin is crying and half a screaming mess at this point. His head is spinning already, as his insides twists.

 

"I l-love y-you .. "

 

With that the line drops, void of Kyungsoo's voice. Jongin struggles to breathe, people are running, everything is a mess and his legs starts moving on their own accord but not along the people, but in the other direction, whatever is it that's scaring them, the source. His trembling lips only knows one word, "Kyungsoo.. Kyungsoo.. am coming." He runs faster not caring for his heart that is racing too. Reaching the dangerous count which can lead him to collapse as well, but he doesn't care.

 

Broken pieces of glass windows and empty shops, the corner store where he had left Kyungsoo earlier. The floor littered with blood, the sirens ringing somewhere in the back. But Jongin can't hear anything else or see anything, as he holds the wall looking for the person he woke up next to in the morning, among few more on the floor.

 

"Kyungsoo!!" A heartbreaking scream, he topples over as his legs give up to hold him up any longer,  "Look at me, look at me!!" He begs incoherently, tears snort and everything mixing up, he harshly wipes them away, taking Kyungsoo's face in his hands, the phone lies beside him. "I love you Soo!" he breathes out the words in a hurry, "I love you Soo, don't leave me please please ... please..." he begs, but it comes out as a whisper, his voice long gone.

 

Kyungsoo slowly blinks, reaching out to hold his hand, it's cold and trembling. Jongin himself is shaking. when he sees Jongin through half closed eyes standing on the edge of consciousness, there is small smile on his lips even when on the verge of everything collapsing. Jongin disparately holding his sun between shivering palms, trying to save hi world as the whole universe crashing down around them.... it's getting harder to breathe, the pain in his chest intensifies, his vision blurring even more, as he fight to stay focused.

 

Everything is hurting. It's so unfair, he never told how much he wants him back, how much he love his Kyungsoo, he never once had uttered those word back. "Kyungsoo!!!" He screams again and again, till his heart bleeds inside. He wants to go back to where Kyungsoo was slow dancing in his arms to the old songs, giggling as big eyes twinkle. He just wants to go back to their simple times together.

 

The blood everywhere, pooling on the floor painting it crimson red, the only color he can see and feel, he grunts trying to hold Kyungsoo and wake him up. Wake himself up, this is all a bad dream. With a little bit of jolting, they would wake up in their place. This dream.. nightmare. Jongin tries to shake them both desperately, "Wake up!!" He chokes out, falling to the ground unable to hold themselves up, knees buckling. The blood gets everywhere on Jongin too, his hands shaking as he gasps for air.

 

Kyungsoo's hand slides off his, as they both fall to the ground, with a last hitch of breath, Jongin's eyes fall shut and never open again.

 

_till death do us part._

  
***

 

**Author's Note:**

>  **Author's note:** The festival is real, you can Google to check more about it for details. I tried to synchronize the story along with the seasons of Japan. If you noticed this story takes over four seasons. I never visited Japan, but kaisoo loves Japan and said they wanted to visit Kyoto. Really amazing place to visit.
> 
> Yakitori: chicken on stick.  
> Yatai- food cart  
> Tanzaku- colorful papers on which people write their wishes.  
> Ojisan- uncle
> 
> Thanks for reading, comment down below how you felt.


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